Million Post thread,

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Maya Scholars, in Mexico, Guatemala, Belize, Honduras, El Salvador and North America, have been watching with amusement and dismay as self-styled experts proclaim that ancient Maya prophets foretold an earth-shattering happening to occur December 21, 2012. This predicted phenomenon gets described in contradictory but often cataclysmic fashion--as an ecological collapse, a sunspot storm, a rare cosmic conjunction of the earth, sun, and the galactic center, a new and awesome stage of our evolution, and even a sudden reversal of the Earth's magnetic field which will erase all our computer drives. One even predicts the earth's initiation into a Galactic Federation, whose elders have been accelerating our evolution with a "galactic beam" for the last 5000 years. In sum, the world as we know it will suddenly come to a screeching halt.

These predictions are alleged to be prophecies by so-called "Ancient Mayans" whose "astronomically precise" calendar supposedly terminates on that date. According to such accounts, these mysterious Maya geniuses appeared suddenly, built an extraordinary civilization, designed in it clues for us, and then suddenly, inexplicably, vanished, as if they had completed their terrestrial mission. These same experts claim special credibility for the Maya prophecies by asserting that these historic sages, with their possible extraterrestrial origins, had tapped into an astonishing esoteric wisdom.

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THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS:

* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is
pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

* "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the
cow instead of the bull."

* "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

* "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on
them and makes them perspire."

* "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they
look like umbrellas."

* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity
contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

* "Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."

* "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

* "For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and
down to make Artificial Perspiration."

* "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the
nearest medical doctor."

* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

* "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water
tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in
this fight."

* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

* "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

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[RollWithEm]

Disjointed hitbox on that combo.

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Going to be a long, busy, great week coming up.

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