[edwardcyh]

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

[76767]

That's a good one, Ive heard it before though.

Alright.

How do you tell a blondes been playing your video games?

The joysticks wet.

[edwardcyh]

Originally Posted by 76767

That's a good one, Ive heard it before though.

Alright.

How do you tell a blondes been playing your video games?

The joysticks wet.

What's her phone number?

[xray]

A professor at the University of West Virginia was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raised their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raised their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raised their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raised their hands. "That's fantastic.

Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raised his hand. The professor took off his glasses and said, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asked, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "****! From way back thar, I thought you said "Goats."

[edwardcyh]

LOL... A Little Elm joke, eh?

[xray]

Originally Posted by edwardcyh

LOL... A Little Elm joke, eh?

We're running a little low on goats - life is hard in the city.

[Ninjatune]

Yesterday a seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Dallas courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes, are not capable of beating anyone.

[edwardcyh]

Originally Posted by Ninjatune

the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes, are not capable of beating anyone.

I guess the Romo hype has turned to this.....

[xray]

A random post:

[edwardcyh]

[xray]

Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a couple Budweiser's.

Bubba said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and then throw the bottles under the seat. Just let me do the talkin'."

They finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight, and put the labels on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?"

"No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "Me and Bubba's on the patch!"

[edwardcyh]

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

[edwardcyh]

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Jessica replied, "nah... only when he's drunk."