I was remembering the finals the other day. I was watching the game with two chics, one on each side, porking them during the commercials. So at some moment the kick-*** announcer says "Some dip-**** redneck couple decided to name their son Ginobilli, and Ginobilli said he was honored". Well, I got news for you: your son will be a ****-sucking ******* who can't play.
It was hard concentrating on the game while wondering how the world can host such an enormous amount of stupidity, so when the game was over these chics invited me over to their hotel. I went under one condition: we would have un-protected sex and if they got pregnant they would have to name their ******* son Ben, and then they'd have to marry some "Wallace" guy and pass the last name to the ******* kid.
I mean, I'm not sure if Master Wallace would approve it, but it would sure cool.
AND, the kid would probably grow up to be someone very important. Just take a look at all these "Ben Wallace's" around the world:
Ben Wallace - the hockey player
Just guess what position he plays. Ok, I'll help you out chump: defense. Not much info on this guy, but he went to Cornell Unversity, whick kicks *** and now plays with the Odessa Cantelopes. I'm sure he got laid plenty at Cornell, I mean, his name helps but I'm sure the guy kicks ***.
Ben Wallace, the game developer
long while ago I played Halo 2 with my midget friend, we had plenty of fun blasting aliens and stuff. When we finished the game the credits started rolling up and the name "Ben Wallace" scrolled up. Man, I was so exited, I told my midget friend - "Hey cripple, take a look, Ben Wallace developed the game!". For some reason he didn't respond and he left the room crying. Whatever. Let me tell you: Halo 2 is the best game ever. And it couldn't be other way - Ben Wallace developed it after all.
Ben Wallace - The politician
Don't be fooled by his rosy cheeks, this guy has character. Just take a look at his profile: Tackling youth crime in Lancaster and Wyre is also an issue which Ben has been at the forefront off - working closely with council leaders and the police to prevent troublemakers from out of the area ruining the lives of law-abiding residents in towns like Thornton and Poulton. I'll translate this politics **** for the chumps in the public: he like ruining youths lives. And that kicks ***.
Ben Wallace - Extreme biker
I was trying to find the appropiate words to describe this guy, let's just say he's the epitome of a real man. Demonstrating science while doing extreme stunts can't be more manly. Just take a look at the article: The London launch of Einstein Year was publicised with a remarkable BMX stunt, something organisers hope many youngsters will appreciate.
Ben Wallace - The reporter
I don't know much about press, but I'm sure this guy handles his **** first class. Take a look at what he has written: Female boxing is brutal and hopeless. Just a politically correct way of saying it sucks, and nothing is better than two real men beating the crap out of each other.
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The conclusion is evident: since you and I are not named Ben Wallace, we don't stand a chance in life. But we can change all that: if you're female, just get a Wallace husbande, and if you're male, get a transexual operation and marry a Wallace. Then adopt a kid.
Just kidding. Just do what I did.
How to name your future children
to that.
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