OZZY

Behavior
Behavior really all depends on what one will tolerate. The smallest of things, like not picking up after yourself can magnify into more severe cases of that behavior. To teach a child responsibility for their actions and also consequences for their actions is a great gift to them. Because without consequences, random actions occur and will repeatedly occur.

Reinforced behavior is also an issue, if a negative action occurs like a physical hit or bite, compliance to their wants will make that behavior occur again. One cannot teach a child that a tantrum or a physical hit will get them what they want. What needs to happen is they get what they want if they behave well, if they do not behave well they do not get what they want.

That is the challenge I am presently faced with in my job. I must try to learn about these four children with autism who all live in the same group home. I have to get to know them and get to know why certain behaviors occur.

First I feel I must get to know what they like to do. Then, I feel the best way to start is to use that as reinforcement for good behavior. If they like playing in the ball pit, they can do that if they behave. If they do not behave, they cannot play in the ball pit. I also believe that if they cannot control their body movements, be it hitting others or hitting themselves, then I must control their body movements. Which basically means holding them or redirecting them.

Hopefully my current thought process is correct and I can help these children live a better life where they can get their needs met by more socially desirable ways.




I am the child
I am the child that will eat anything, soap, string, or dirt. I will drink any type of liquid I see regardless of its taste or content. When I take a shower I drink the water that I see, even if there is soap in it. When you put lotion on me for my dry skin, if you are not careful I will eat that right out of your hand. You see me as a crazy boy, so foolish that he does not know what he is doing. You do not know why I eat all of those things that are not food, you label it as ‘pica’ but truly you do not know why I do it.

I am the child that is fascinated with string. I will get string anywhere it can be found, if that means ripping up my own blankets and pillows I will get string. If that means ripping up the furniture I will get string. If that means ripping the very clothing off your back, I will get string. You see me as a little hell raiser, causing trouble at every turn, and just because I make more work for you and destroy what you bought for me it makes you upset. You do not know why I want string so badly, why I will do anything to get it. You do not know what my life is like without string in my hand.

I am the child that needs to be organized. Anything that is out of place I will put into place and organize it. If my room is dirty I will pick it up, even to the point of eating the very dust that is on the floor. When I am in the yard, if it is dirty with sticks or unwanted grass, I will throw it over the fence and clean it. However, you question why I make such a mess if I clean constantly. Why do I spill food on the floor instead of eating it, why do I throw juice anywhere at anytime. You do not know why I like my surroundings organized and familiar. You hypothesize why I do, but you truly do not know.

I am the child who will go to the bathroom where I please. If I can and will pee right on the very floor I am standing on. When I go swimming I poop regardless of the area or who is around me, even to the point where I get kicked out of the pool I love to swim in so much. If you are not careful, I will take the very feces from my body and rub it on the walls just because. You do not know why I do what I do. You wonder why can I sometimes use the toilet to go to the bathroom and why other times I do it seemingly just despite you.

I am the child who loves to manipulate what is around me. I will push any button, try to open every door no matter what that button does or where that door leads. I need switches to turn, I need things to rub against and textures to feel. I need doors closed at all times, even to the point where I will run to the opposite end of the house and check if all the doors are closed. You wonder why I push so many buttons. Really though, I am pushing your own preverbal buttons by the actions I take.

Everything that will anger you I can and will do. Everything that I am supposedly not to do I will do it. If I see something I can throw I will throw it randomly. If I see someone I want to hit I will hit them. If you are scared of me I will use you like a toy and laugh. I control my surroundings with my own actions. You still do not know what my world is like. I speak very few words, and those words are short and not always clear. I can communicate wants and needs by taking your hand and leading you places, but truly you do not know my wants or my needs.

I am looked at as a child with serious problems. Highly paid experts spend hours trying to figure out why I do what I do. What causes this strange behavior? They think what medicine can they put me on so I stop hitting others? I am a disobedient child right? A little devil boy. I see it in your face when I stare at you. I look sweet and innocent so you are nice to me sometimes, but when I misbehave you cannot stand me.

I am the child that will be in an institution in a month.

Really, it is a test, a test to see how one reacts to this young boy. How one perceives his actions and how one labels him. Do you discipline him still, regardless of how many times he does the same thing and regardless if the discipline works? Yes. Do you love this boy unconditionally and take his challenging behavior just as that, a challenge? Yes. Do you try to figure out this young child, and try to see the world through his eyes and attempt to make his world more pleasing and show him ways to create a pleasing world without displeasing those around him. Yes. This boys seemingly random actions are not random, they are purposeful and for a reason, whatever reason that is. I must try to figure out why he does what he does because my time left with him is very short.




Reality
What happens to a child in a boundless world where they have little consequences to their actions? Does one feed a child every time they say they are hungry? Does one give into crying, fits or tantrums and provide what the child wants at all times just so they stop acting up?

Does one discipline a child even though some say it is cruel? Well I believe it is more cruel to not discipline the child because by doing that they do not know what a consequence is. They do whatever they want, whenever they want. Isn’t that truly more crippling to the child than punishment or taking away something they enjoy for a short period of time? One is avoiding the issue, and that issue of discipline and consequences will come up again and again till it is dealt with.

To a child with autism, the world is very out of order and not safe it appears. Does one keep the child feeling safe by giving into every need they have? However, if one does that, when a certain activity is impossible to do, and the child wants to do it, they will have a fit regardless because they are used to getting everything they want.

It is a difficult test, what is really going on, is one giving into the child just so they can have a peaceful day? Is medication really for the child, or is it really so that others can tolerate the child? However, how can one blame a overworked, over stressed caregiver that does not have training to do intensive behavioral control.

Lessons are being taught to myself, and hopefully somehow I can improve on a less than adequate situation for many children with autism.

OZZY

Aggression
When one is hit, punched, scratched or harmed by another what do they think? Why did you do that? Do you not like me? I am hurt and offended by your insensitive actions. I want to hit you back now and repay the favor. I am so ****ing angry at you, what the hell did you do that for? I am nice to you, I care for you, why do this to me?

These are the typical thoughts one thinks when being hit by someone they care about. In my case, a child who has autism. Being hit by someone changes the very perception you have of them. Even though it could be a random action that has absolutely no logical meaning or reason. Being a “typical” human being one is offended and sad by being physically attacked. One has feelings and is hurt by these actions, soon following the hurt is anger and animosity towards the aggressor.

Especially in terms of dealing with a child who has autism, you get no reasoning for the attack. You must hypothesize why it occurred. Once again, being a “typical” human being one wants to hear some type of forgiveness or sorrow express by the aggressor. However that will most likely not come from a child who has autism.

The strange coincidence that comes about when working with children who have autism, especially the ones that are more on the nonverbal side. One gives a lot of praise like good job eating slowly, nice work walking, excellent job swinging nicely, marvelous job going to the bathroom. Nonetheless the person giving the praise most likely will never hear praise for the job they are doing, especially not hear any praise for the child.

Individuals that work with children who have autism have to in some regard train themselves to be not human and suppress certain emotions most feel under a given social experience. If one is hit they cannot hold that against the child. They have to act like it did not happen, and one cannot carry a grudge because then it will change how they interact with that child. Working with children who have autism you will get very little praise, and you most likely not get a thank you or terms of indearment from the child. Ones actions and verbal corrections almost have to be robotic in a sense and that is not easy to do.

When working with a child who is autistic and is basically nonverbal, you are working with someone that cannot talk. Thus, one has to see how the child communicates in other ways and read their physical actions, facial expressions or sounds that they make.

Think, about not being able to talk, just for one day. People could go crazy for not talking, the loneliness, the isolation, and inability to express verbally wants and needs would be unbearable. Then think about living your life like that.


I must change how I perceive events in an effort or not judge or hold a grudge against certain actions that cannot be explained.





What not to do
Do not ever baby a child who has autism. Do not pity them and disable them more than they are already disabled. To give them everything they want is not teaching them, why be lenient with a child who has autism when a “typical” child you would never let them get away with that behavior. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but overall do not hinder their development and decrease their potential just because you feel self conscious about disciplining a disabled child.

Do not dare give into a tantrum, be it screaming, hitting or crying. All that does is teach the child how to get what they want through doing that action. Yes it might calm them down if you give into it, but that is reinforcing that behavior and it will occur again. Teach them other ways to get their needs met, because having tantrums will ultimately decrease the happiness of their life because it is a horrible way to communicate wants and needs.

Do not sit there an not talk to the child just because they cannot hold a “normal”
conversation. Talk to the child as if they understand every single word that you say, especially if there is proof that they do understand what you are saying.

Do not let little misbehaviors go unnoticed. Watch and control the child at all times, never let any behavior go noticed. You must communicate to the child somehow that action A is an unwanted action and action B is a wanted action. Immediately discipline or correct the child the second the misbehavior occurs.

Do not let good behavior go unnoticed. Praise them every single time they behave well, catch them being good every time you can. Try not to focus on the bad and give them more attention for being good than being bad. It is hard to do however, because ones nature is to relax when a child is calm and interact more with them when they are having behaviors.

Do not be afraid to hold and grab the child. Basically say to them if you cannot control your body then I will control if for you. Give them a choice, ask them if they can control their body, and if they show that they cannot by hitting then you grab their arm and stop the action from occurring. Yes, it might seem harsh but just image if that physical aggression does not get corrected when they are a child what it will be like when they grow up. So take advantage of the fact that you can physically manhandle them when they are young.

Do not let them get by with grabbing things and whimpering if they do have some verbal speaking ability. Every chance you get make them speak and use speech. Most of the time it works when they want something, make them say a specific phrase for them to get what they want and do not give it to them until they say what needs to be said.





Tantrums
A baby is a very young child or an infant. When babies cry one is supposed to give them warmth and affection. One is supposed to develop a secure attachment with the child and show them that there is someone in this new world that will take care of them. However if that mindset is draw out later in the child’s life, the more one cuddles, nurtures and protects the worse the child will get. Why? Well as I have mentioned before children know that if they cry, if they scream, if they have a tantrum they can get what they want. It is a means for the child to get their needs met if they cannot verbally speak.


That is exactly why children who have autism do this action as well. Most children who have autism cannot speak, they might echo speech but really they do not have the capabilities early in life to use verbal language to get their needs met. What better way to accomplish getting their needs met than crying and having a tantrum. They can certainly do that.


I personally cannot stand when individuals baby children who have autism. They give in to crying, screaming and tantrums. In doing that it will increase that behavior and make it occur again and again. If the child cries just for a little and gets what they want, mission accomplished. If that same child cries again at the same volume but does not get what they want all they must do is turn up the volume so to speak, mission accomplished. If it happens again and the child does not get what they want by crying and screaming, then if you throw in some kicking, hitting, maybe some self injurious behavior, mission accomplished once more. Tantrums will only get worse and worse as the child gets older and for some it will become their primary means of getting what they want.


The child I work with, it is comical at times to see how those around him react to tantrums. It is like people are walking around on egg shells when he is in their presence. They do not want to set him off, they want to make him happy and give him everything he wants. When he throws something or does something that makes a mess, they clean it up for him. Why act like this around this child? I honestly do not know. Maybe they pity him, they feel sorry for him because he has autism and supposedly cannot control his behavior.


I say though, he can control his behavior and he knows exactly what he is doing. Can he control when he eats almost anything he sees that is moderately eatable, no. However I believe he knows exactly what he is doing when he has a tantrum. He literally goes to the people that he knows will console him and give into his crying game.


Maybe I am wrong though, maybe I am overly strict or mean.


Right now though, when he is having a tantrum I literally say to him that you will be crying for a very long time if having tantrum is how you ask for something you want. He is not a baby thus I do not treat him like one.


When tears and screams are not because of physical or emotional pain, they are not legitimate and basically are being used to play those around him like a fool.

OZZY

Dismiss
It is a very thin line to walk when one even has the thought that a child who has autism has behavior that is uncontrollable and cannot improve. If one starts to think that this child just has to get everything they want and they do not hear comments towards them. If one starts to think that things cannot improve and this child will forever be acting the way they do. If one starts to think that they are getting close to dismissing the child’s behavior they will be crippling that child.


It is one thing to be frustrated and conform to what the child wants at times, but it is another to be beginning to dismiss what they are doing and almost in some ways give up on correcting it. In a way it is a fight, a fight between what is best for the child to live a more happy and easy life and what the child’s mind wants to do. Of course if self stimulation or stemming puts the child at ease and releases certain chemicals in their brain that makes them feel more at ease, they will do that. However if that becomes a habit they grow further and further apart from the people around them and the relationships that is needed for them to listen and improve is weakened.


If one ever has the thought that a child’s behavior cannot be changed it will not be changed because they do not believe it. Obviously a child will resist change if they have been accustomed to certain interactions for a long period of time, but they cannot resist forever.


Through my experiences children with autism will fulfill your expectations, if you expect nothing out of them you will get nothing out of them. If you expect them to improve they will improve. Really it is all up to the individual or individuals working with that child. But if any person doubts the capabilities of the child to improve that child will not disappoint them, they will fulfill that belief.





Companionship
The young boy that I took care of is now not longer in my care. This boy hit me, bit me, spit on me and screamed in my face. Honestly though, what I remember about him now are the absolutely hilarious things that he would do during the day. Here are some of my most memorable moments of him and I hope you find them as funny as I did.


One of the most comical things that Mitchell did was something he obviously learned. You know how grandmothers always pinch and grab the cheeks of their grandchildren and say something along the lines of ‘you’re so cute!’. Well Mitchell at times used that to his advantage. When I was sitting down he came over, put his face right up next to mine, grabbed my cheek, shook it and said ‘ice creams’. That was one of the most adorable things he did.


Most might consider this to be gross but I found it to be absolutely hilarious! Mitchell obviously eats things like flowers, dirt and strings quite often. However most of the time one cannot even tell he eats them because he does not get sick and it does not really seem to affect him. However one day when I was changing his diaper, I found a little surprise, he literally pooped out the very string that he ate. Who knows how long it was in there but I had to pull a string out of a persons butt, so I accomplished that at least in life.


The constant act of going outside I required him to take his shoes off and put them on at all times. Usually since he could not tie his shoes I did it for him but he had to ask. First he would say socks, then he would say socks again and he would say socks until I put the socks on. Then he would say shoe or shoes, in this case I required him to say please every time he put his shoes on so it quickly became shoe please. It was humorous how he would literally say shoes until you put them on.


When Mitchell was is in his room at night, he would strip down to his diapers, and he is running and jumping off of his bed all the while requesting to take a shower. Or as he puts it, showa or showersh, and these comments are repeated until he is allow to go take a shower. Showersh! Showersh! Showersh! Absolutely hilarious to observe him do this each and every night!


When we got into the shower it was quite an experience as well. He would be constantly moving back and forth, splashing, drinking up water and spitting it on the walls or even on my face. It was a routine as well, if I did not apply soap right away he would say, ‘Soaps. Soaps. Soaps’, really that was quite smart of him. While I applied the soap he would always eat it and spit it back out, at first I tired to stop it but really it was inevitable, he would put the soap in his mouth.


Then came time to put cream on his dry skin. So not only did I have to basically corral him to his bed because he would jump up and down constantly after a shower, but I also had to watch the cream. If just for a second I left the cream bottle open to him he would instantly take a hand full of it and eat it. Even to the point where if I put some cream on his face, he would try to lick the cream off his own face with his tongue, quite a humorous action to observe.


After that came a little game that I played with him. I would say ‘creams’, he would say ‘creams’, then I would put cream on his thighs and quickly tickle his thighs which at times made him laugh out load hysterically. Then once he moved and squirmed to the point where I could not tickle him I laid off. After that I said ‘creams’, he would say ‘creams’, and I would wait till he was calm and I would do it again and he would just scream, but this was a happy scream compared other times.


When it came time for bed, and he has been moving around and jumping up and down to the point where I wanted him to start calming down, I localized him to his bed and would not let him get out of it. At this point sometimes he would say almost every word he knew in succession to get out of his bed. He would say ‘milk, outsides, shoes, ice creams, chips, showers, rides etc.’ It was comical to me because he wanted to get out of his bed so badly he would make up stuff he wanted and say anything to get out.


Once when I was keeping him in his bed and he was still pretty energetic he did one of the most funniest things I have ever seen him do. He literally did a hand stand on his bed, and stayed like that for about two minutes. He was pretty much watching his television upside down standing on his head.


At night one of my most favorite things to do with him was to go on a walk outside right after he ate lunch. In the winter at this time it was dark out so it was something new to do. We went on hour walks all of the time at night. Basically the walk was the exact same walk every single day. What I found to be funny was that fact that we ran and stopped probably twenty times. I would say ‘runs’, he would hesitate and then say ‘ruuunnns’, usually we ran for only like ten seconds but it was quite funny doing that, then stopping and doing it again.



Sure he was not always this cute and entertaining to be around, but oddly enough this is what I remember most about him. The actions that he did at times just absolutely cracked me up. Who knows if I will work with him again, but I will never forget all of the hilarious things he did and the wonderful company he gave me.





Tolerance
In the classroom I work in currently, most of the children there are low functioning, physically aggressive and have tantrums often. Should one just verbally correct these children or at times does one have to use more physical types of intervention? Obviously most people are against child abuse and rightfully so. However, with the children I am working with, if I say check your schedule and they do not based off a verbal command, I will take there hand and walk them over to have them check it. If it is work time and they start running away, I will pick them up or guide them over and forcefully sit them on the chair. If they start crying or complaining about having to do work that will not allow them to stop doing the work or do less work.

Is that child abuse? Some believe in giving children choices, and so do I. However, if they do not want to work they do not have to?. Obviously if any child is given the choice, do you want to do math or not? Most if not all children at a young age would choose not to do math.

The difference is with some children who have autism, if they do not want to do something, they cannot verbally express that. Thus they either have a tantrum, start crying, hit, or physically start to run away. For those that believe one should never touch a child, especially one who has a disability. Look after young boys with autism who will flat out bolt away from you at any moment. Then what should one do, say stop? Are you kidding me?

Ironically I have two experiences so far with young boys who have autism that will run away whenever they get the chance and will physically strip their clothing off. So I am just supposed to say stop that, keep your clothes on? Sorry, but I feel physically stopping them from running away as much one can, and physically stopping them from taking off their clothing for no apparent reason is the correct way to deal with that situation.

Same thing applies if a child is sitting there hitting you. Sure verbally addressing the situation is great, but one has to protect themselves. If that means restraining the child from hitting themselves of anyone else I feel that is the better option than letting them hit who ever they feel like hitting. One has to be careful not have it be a routine of interaction or somehow reinforce hitting by ones own actions. One should never hit the child back or get angry after they are hit because that might be the exact reaction they wanted to get.

Sure I do not have all the answers, but when talking about extremes and working with very challenging children one has to set limits. And if that limit can only be enforced by physical redirection or control then it should be done. It just makes no sense to me having a child who happens to have autism absolutely control everything they do. If a child likes to run away, act mischievous and have no expectations or rules for what they do, then they will continue to be reinforced for doing that by a lack of consequences. Ultimately that unruly behavior will get much worse when they grow up.

OZZY

Cure
Cure autism? Why? Elimination of unwanted behaviors as in hitting, biting, screaming, self injurious behavior and becoming overly obsessive with rituals to the point of distress are the main actions that have to be ‘cured’. Sure communication difficulties might cause moderate problems, bathroom, sensory, and routine issues also can be hard to handle. However, ultimately if physical aggression on self or others is decreased, mental well being is improved and overall happiness is present then I view that child as cured in a way.


The act of being physical aggressive for example is such a difficult problems because typically it will make the child more upset. Then they will almost always negatively influence their caregivers which will come full circle back onto them.


Why do kids act out in an physically aggressive way? Well for one as a means to get what they want. Two, it is a way to express anger or resentment they are feeling about themselves or another person. And three it could be a routine social interaction they have with a certain person.


Ironically, if some cure was found for forms of physical aggression most likely in terms of behavior management and proper teaching instead of drugs, people would still not be satisfied. My child is still not normal they would say. Sure teaching communication is very important and can be done, but total elimination of the most challenging and harmful behavior should be the main goal for all. Yes a child with ‘low functioning’ autism might never have a ‘normal’ life, but so what.

Out of all the children and adults with autism I have met in my life, if one takes away their challenging behavior, they are the most hilarious, fascinating and entertaining people I have ever met in my life, period. Their mannerisms, idiosyncrasies, body language and overall affect is just marvelous when they are in a good mood.


Having children with autism in this world is a good thing. To me it provides great evidence of the importance of parenting. I am not saying bad parents make children have autism. Instead, a bad parent can be clearly exposed of their incapacity to properly parent if they have a child that is disabled. If they had a ‘normal’ child, their bad parenting could lead that child a number of different directions but on the outside it is not visible always in the actions of the child that they have had poor parenting. However, with children who have autism, it is quite clear based on the actions of the child just how good the parenting has been. Does the parent give into the child for a tantrum? Does the parent play with and interact with the child? Does the parent teach the child how to eat, go to the bathroom? Does the parent give support for physical aggression by their own actions or not? And ultimately how caring and loving are they really when faced with the most challenging of situations?


A bad parent who has a child with autism can flat out destroy that child's life. When there is so much potential for the child to learn, be taught and grow I guess people do not always view a child with autism in that light. Same thing can go with any child really, if they get bad parenting that can potentially destroy their life as well.



A cure for autism, I used to believe that, I even had the ignorance to believe I would find the cure. Really though, what needs to be cured is how those around people with autism act and teach them. If one eliminates physical aggression and overly obsessive rituals that cause great distress, autism is not a problem, if anything it is a gift given to teach all of us.