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liekomgj4ck · 05-29-2008, 12:53 PM

Haha nice one KJ

Porn_Player · 06-17-2008, 04:50 PM

I will give mini reviews once I have posted some of my older stuff..

This was something I did while in a click of fellow poets where we all had to construct pieces around a certain theme (can you guess it?)

Chocolate water drowns the slaves of a half brained tyrant.
Suicide rate rises, life's sour taste has slashed veins binded.
Silenced dreams,
turn to violent screams as sick thoughts start blinding me.
Crying teens try finding peace in a drug that's grinding teeth
They wont even put on a rubber to keep their own safe,
but don't hesitate to wrap the rubber around a torn vein.
Born saved but wont pray, there's one word they wont say.
Drugging their own fate, most wont even live to see old age.
We survive on a planet of war, destruction, and homocide,
Love lives in our heart, all we have to do is come inside.

Regardless, I was introduced to metal sticks,
A rush of God, holy hell, what a better lift,
A little pinch then bliss, I drifted off in the mist,
First thing came to mind, I better stock up on this,
This is my favorite drug, but I wanted another step,
little did i kno i was on my way to death...
After:
Brain veins will bust, as waves begin to rush,
Again I’m ****ed, my stomachs about to ‘rupt,
“Man, I’m feelin’ rough, the **** I take this stuff?”
Wrapped with straps with dreams to take it back,
I was dead in a cask...
So kids take a lesson and learn that drugs are bad!
I learned that from God himself…
So I look for 100 Proof tryn to fog his help…

How can you justify the ways of your religion
When my god tells me that killing is forbidden
Just think of this position, making that decision
I’m having this vision of a religious collision

My minds full of hate, nobody can contemplate
This template in my brain that I can’t translate
When all you want to do devastate not legislate
Against the violence’s suicide bombers instigate

Investigate why most of us were against the war
Yet you tore out hearts when you stained the floors
Skies painted crimson our innocents was the reason
The thing that makes my blood boil was the treason
Gave you a home when you were exiled for your own
Yet you come to London to blow holes in our domes

Now most Asians are getting searched tensions grow
But when it was a black thing it was on the down low

Always gave her love, still does, but im in the middle of a crowd
Inclination to a single one reads descrimination
Even if it wasn’t. Blame the crowd or their perception
Or why even blame, Who possess perfection?
Who even knows the road to? So I lend my hand out
To someone I cant doubt, as she leads me to find the land out
She had art with intelligence than artificial intelligence
Together we stirred up the pot and disturbed the sediments
mixed with ingredients to get death in alliance
destruct impediments and destructful elements, all with one force of will
then run for the kill, encountered and slayed all the run-of-the-mills
ran about and plucked a few paper flowers from the garden
trespassing? pardon. But my love led me here.

Torn faces pour openly with a flow of diamond tears
Love not lost through the minds fears
Emancipated yet it still lingers when I am scared I throw my heart through her fingers
The grasp is my only constant yet it clasps like a caged cell
I am my own in-mate. I am here by choice.
Around me the world spins as bullets fly through the skulls of the innocent
I have a smoke screen to the devastation cos I have my sweet cinnamon
Torture leads to a bitter taste,
Screaming children wail as their mothers have been laid to waste
Brave warriors disgraced as the green smoke blows in their united face
Together they lay all minds have gone away; drug of pain stole the end of their day…

Porn_Player · 06-17-2008, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by liekomgj4ck

I like it.

Here are some VERY old ones of mine too.

Un-read

A rose my love gave him
Brought tears to my eyes.
Broken heart, a knife across my skin.
I still desire her love.
I'll always remember that rose,
She didn't give me.

My Love

She has stabbed me, and punctured my heart. Taken a
gun, and shot me in the face. Wounds in my body, are
scars forever. Injected poison in my veins, poison of
death. And an illness of weakness. Pain which is so
destructive. Takes over your body and kills you.
Inflicted by love that shot the gun, grabbed the knife
and stabbed, and injected death. But yet, after she
has killed the killed, I still love her.

Looking Out

A little snuggle, on a freezing cold day. A tender
kiss, under the moonlight. A warm little smile, to
show affection. A glow in the eyes, staring at the
beauty. A sweet smelling rose, to show love. A sweet
caress, to show passion. Holding hands, walking side
by side, away from me, in the opposite direction.
Sitting alone on a rock, watching them pass. Tears
forming in my eyes, a storm hits, only above me, lets
the couple live happy. Throwing a rock, as hard as I
can, meaning to hit anything, something, as long as it
hits! A growing despair, a longing for love, real
love. Jumping in the water, meaning to drown.

Going deep

deep...

deep...

down...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chan

Just finished this one. It's on my blog too.

His flow is soundless so he pounds down countless ounces
As outlets, lounging in the midst of those who doubt him
He’s hounded by the wolf he kills with silver bullets
It’s ruthless, bare truth’s mistook for bull****
There’s footprints in the sand but they show no movement
Where’d they move to? No one knows so they blindly follow
Their minds hollow, yearning for a path to knowledge
They’re burned when it’s revealed to be a demagogue
Now they’re forever lost, saying they’ll steel themselves from now on
But the mile’s gone and there is no backtracking
The time’s gone so **** what could have been
It’s over, life moves on so move with the rest
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ras

This would just be the first verse, I never actually finished this.

I dream of a place
Where a white light shines
And flowers bloom in tune
Wedding bells ring
While song-birds sing
of serenity like rain in June
But the world turns blue
and the sky turns grey
as I slowly open my eyes
to a place that’s cold
and where people have sold
all the hope they held inside

I'm not sure if that was the last line either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coatesvillain

I posted this on my own forum, but I might as well post it here as well. I wrote this earlier this week. It's weird that everyone who read this thought I was depressed but I really like writing in the first person.
-------------

Road Blocks

I didn't know it was so far away
When they told me
I tried to walk that way
It was forever
So what can I say
When the journey just found another day
I tried to wear confidence
As I searched for my destination
Got detoured when I lost my concentration
So I found this road paved with ways
That end with days that led me astray
So what can I say?
It's too far away
I can't reach it
The journey's too long
I shouldn't seek it
My will ain't too strong
When can I leave it
So I did and found myself stuck in Yesterday
It's so comfortable and safe
Everything is in place
Every move I make is just steps retraced
Look in the mirror and ask my face
"Is this what life makes?"
Can I reach tomorrow?
It's too far away
Can I find success?
Too many obstacles in the way
Can I achieve my dreams?
They're too far away
And it's the road blocks that made it that way.

liekomgj4ck - Your older stuff seemed a little typical of its genre. You didn't really come with anything all that inventive. The 'looking out' piece was pretty interesting and certainly evoked a few feelings. Your love life sounded horrific back in the day, hope things have picked up

chan - as always you flowed like a waterfall, **** is pretty beautifully constructed even if it does read more like a song than a piece of writing. I thought your train of thought was a little sporadic and the poem didn't delve deep into any angle. If you could piece together something with a little substance that had the structure of this piece I could see you becoming a very accomplished poet.

Ras - I don't usually appreciate simplistic poems but this one was on point. So not only am I fan of your music but of your poetry too

... You should possibly think about merging the two!

Coasty - I loved this piece. The structure is on point and so is the topic. I loved how it sped up through the middle to heighten the sense of going no where fast and becoming lost. Good work man.

liekomgj4ck · 06-17-2008, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porn_Player

liekomgj4ck - Your older stuff seemed a little typical of its genre. You didn't really come with anything all that inventive. The 'looking out' piece was pretty interesting and certainly evoked a few feelings. Your love life sounded horrific back in the day, hope things have picked up

Thanks for your comment!

That was only some of my old stuff, and I have more recent.

I agree nothing new, typical love poetry which poets usually start out with.

I gotta find and post more!

Haha yes, and life is better now.

Porn_Player · 06-17-2008, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krstic All Star

What the hell, here's one I wrote a loooooong time ago:

Knight in Tarnished Armor
Love can be fleeting, and honor might be all that survives

Crazy to love, crazy to dream
Reality's days pass my doorway plain to see
How is it now, what might it mean?
Duped fool or knight errant, which one is me?

I believed in Joyous Gard, my castle soon to be
I believed in you my love, but Love a fickle fantasy
Bright green blaze set in bluest skies
Now darkening haze obscures my eyes

In the Halls of Joy, or Dens of Pain
Your struggles and doubts were regained anew
Yet my tarnished armor remained the same
Blackened, yes, by some device
What price to pay; I never knew

Love's banner limply hangs, wild winds tore it through
No lady's favor adorns my soul, o Soul!
Verite speaks true to you
Your words a dismal toll
Ringing hollowly through empty halls
Love no longer, fading verses fall in lieu

Quote:

Originally Posted by liekomgj4ck

Guess I'll Wait

Waiting another night
For my next smile
Till my next laugh
Under the morning sun.

I'll wait as tobacco burns
Half falls as ash
Dreamy gray floating
Drifts to the ceiling
Escapes out the window

Coldly I'll stare
Through the blank
Night

Till the ash tray is full
Smeared glass of rum
Rich brown escape

Meshing of gray and blue
Stillness frozen
Waiting...

Waiting for another day.

KAS - Your poem is so Hamletesque to me

. Enjoyed the final stanza a whole lot, thought the rest was maybe lacking in comparison.

liekomgj4ck - This piece was much better than the others (I'm guessing it is alot knewer) ... I liked how everything seemed to roll together and merge while you began to lose yourself to your unconcious, pretty skilled writing.

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