[ProudBFan]

Thanks, TLo. In this case, the simple pleasures are definitely the ones that matter most.

PBF

[ProudBFan]

Okay, so Sunday my oldest son *really* wanted to play basketball. Problem is, he left his ball at my wife's house AND it was flat. I tried to talk him out of it, telling him we should wait until their next visit (this coming Wednesday), but he was heartbroken about it. So I decided that since we were going over there anyway to check on the dog (being kept in the back yard over the weekend), the boys could go into the garage and get the ball and I would look for the needle to pump it up. Still trying to respect my wife's privacy, I turned my back while they punched in the garage door code. I didn't see the code (nor do I want to) and I didn't set foot in the house.

Later in the evening, just before packing up to take the kids home, I was telling them how happy I was that they could spend the weekend with me. To that, my oldest son responded: "Yeah, but it's all going to end in July." I asked why he would think that, and he responded: "That's what Mommy says.". She's been discussing details of the divorce with the kids.

So I wrote to her this morning asking what she said to our oldest, and whether he may have misunderstood something she had said, and this is what I got back:

"What do you think? And why would you go into my house while I'm gone for the weekend. How dare you put the kids in a position of having their daddy do something they know their mommy wouldn't like. You have no right to even be in the house and also no need."

And it only got worse from there when I reminded her that I have every right to go into the garage, house, or anywhere else on the property as long as my name is on the title and I'm making the payments, and that the only reason I haven't pressed the issue is that I don't want to cause a scene in front of the kids and am trying to respect her privacy.

I am becoming concerned for the welfare of my children, and *really* feel the need to get in there and find out what is going on. Hopefully, my lawyer will be able to give me some suggestions.

PBF

[gambitnut]

It sounds to me like she is going to go for full custody of the kids, with no visitation rights for you, and is so convinced that she'll get it that she's telling the kids it will happen, and she's probably telling them all sorts of things to try to make them think that would be a good thing.

[MARIS61]

Sounds to me like she's planning on moving out of town, or state, which is what most bitter divorcees do for revenge.

Maybe she was scouting her new location this weekend?

[B_&_B]

It amazes me how your soon to be former wife can be so evil towards you when you have been MUCH MORE understanding and cooperative than others would be considering the situation and her actions.

[It's_GO_Time]

There is no way your wife can keep you from your kids. I have heard a saying that the spouse with the most money wins in family law. It may cost you, but it will hurt her more . . . start making this divorce a costly endevour for her . . . watch as she has a change of heart and tries to make this more amicable than she is currently doing.

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by B_&_B

It amazes me how your soon to be former wife can be so evil towards you when you have been MUCH MORE understanding and cooperative than others would be considering the situation and her actions.

Man, you guys dont know the half of it. Seriously. She sent me one last response to the thread I mentioned above - accusing me (again) of intruding, saying how I let our oldest down by not attending his taekwondo lesson yesterday (ironically, BECAUSE of the tension that erupted between us yesterday in that same thread), and how Im treating her like crap. Well, all of that opened the door for me to finally, fully let out everything Ive been wanting to say to her up to this point. Felt good, actually. And it is a completely accurate depiction of our marriage, and probably our entire relationship (we were together for a few years before getting married). I could post it here (no cussing), but I dont really think anyone here really has the stomach for it. Suffice it to say that her complaints in those areas (intruding, letting the kids down, and treating people like crap) pale in comparison to mine in those exact same areas.

Oh, and I signed the initial papers for filing today. First real step on my long road back to a normal, healthy life.

PBF

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by Kiss_My_Darius

There is no way your wife can keep you from your kids. I have heard a saying that the spouse with the most money wins in family law. It may cost you, but it will hurt her more . . . start making this divorce a costly endevour for her . . . watch as she has a change of heart and tries to make this more amicable than she is currently doing.

I will do what I feel I need to do, KMD. If that means turning this into a contested divorce (demanding a home study), then so be it. But I think she is finally starting to realize what this is going to cost all of us (not talking money here, necessarily), and I think she is also starting to realize that she had it all... and that she threw it right down the crapper. Whether or not she tries to make this more amicable at some point in the future remains to be seen but, frankly, right now Im not feeling very amicable myself. And, for me, there is no going back. No one here has any idea how badly shes walked all over me our entire relationship (17 years now). Im almost embarrassed to say that I let it happen, but I was in love and willing to do whatever it took to keep her happy (didnt know neglecting my own self-esteem and self-respect would eventually lead us to where we are today - a mistake I wont make again in the future).

Finally got my wireless router set up here at the apartment. Wednesdays are my telecommute days, with my daughter joining me early in the morning and the boys joining me after school.

PBF

[B_&_B]

Originally Posted by ProudBFan

frankly, right now Im not feeling very amicable myself. And, for me, there is no going back. PBF

GOOD! You've been more than amicable in the past... and it got you nowhere.

Keep your head up buddy!

[yakbladder]

Originally Posted by ProudBFan

Finally got my wireless router set up here at the apartment. Wednesdays are my telecommute days, with my daughter joining me early in the morning and the boys joining me after school.

PBF

Glad to hear your work let's you take a little telecommute time, PBF. It's important to get that real quality time in with the kids.

If your wife is planning on moving out of area/state, etc. getting partial visitation rights should nip that in the bud. A buddy of mine got a divorce and was concerned that his wife was a "flight risk" with the kids because she was a German citizen. I think he got some decree where she had to gain express permission from him to take the kids even out of area - but again, if she was determined I don't see how a decree would stop her.

Just keep an eye on the 'ol ex to be and heed your lawyer's advice!

YB

[Oil Can]

PBF,

Your wife is acting completely unreasonable. My adivce to you is go to every event of your kids. Do not give her any ammunition. Have you seen a lawyer yet? This is not going to end pretty between you two, at least in the short term.

PROTECT YOURSELF, and do it now. Do it for you, do it for your kids.

[mook]

I wish you the best in this. It sounds so brutal.

First, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't refer to her as my "wife" anymore. She's just a person you happen to be legally married to and share children with. Pretty clear she's been The Ex for a while now.

I'd definitely be concerned about what your ex-wife is telling your kids about you. My own parents were often lied to at various times by their parents, and it led to some horrible misconceptions that meant I never really had any grandparents.

You'd like to think your kids can see through the crap (and maybe they can), but Mom is Mom. A mom can say the most ridiculous thing in the world, and kids just believe it.

Maybe you've already had this conversation (I haven't followed this entire thread), but if not, you probably need to sit down with each of your kids individually and say something like, "Sometimes married people get kind of sick when they don't love each anymore. It gets easy to say bad things about the other parent. I've been tempted myself to say some bad things to you about your mom, but I don't want to because it's not right. She may say some horrible things about me, and that's ok. It's just her way of dealing with this. You have to remember she doesn't really mean it. She's not well right now, but she still loves you and I still love you. And I'm still the same dad you've always had."

I happen to have a relative who is pretty freakin' nuts, and I've had to give variations of this speech a couple of times to kids in my family. It's not easy, but it seemed to help.