[ProudBFan]

Checking in.

Current dilemna: She's really putting the pressure (and guilt) on me for us to find a financial solution that will allow the kids (and her) to keep the house and not have to move.

I *really* don't want to force the kids to move - they are in a good school, have lots of good friends around them, etc. And if the seperation hasn't impacted them / isn't impacting them enough already, moving would REALLY be hard on them.

Yet at the same time, we have no other assets (including 401K, which who knows what it will eventually someday be worth) that could potentially equal half the value of the house.

REALLY don't know what to do here. My heart (towards the kids) and my mind+anger are tearing me in two different directions on this (big) one. And I suspect she is playing on that.

PBF

[JFizzleRaider]

Originally Posted by ProudBFan

Checking in.

Current dilemna: She's really putting the pressure (and guilt) on me for us to find a financial solution that will allow the kids (and her) to keep the house and not have to move.

I *really* don't want to force the kids to move - they are in a good school, have lots of good friends around them, etc. And if the seperation hasn't impacted them / isn't impacting them enough already, moving would REALLY be hard on them.

Yet at the same time, we have no other assets (including 401K, which who knows what it will eventually someday be worth) that could potentially equal half the value of the house.

REALLY don't know what to do here. My heart (towards the kids) and my mind+anger are tearing me in two different directions on this (big) one.

PBF

When my parents got divorced my dad allowed my mom to keep the house, but she had to take out an extra mortgage on it or whatever to front some cash for him in the deal.

[B_&_B]

Weird, I was just about to look for this thread and ask for an update.

The situation with your house is a tough one. Considering how she's treated you, I think you'd be crazy to help her anymore than you already have. If she wants the house, she needs to buy it from you. You've worked to hard to just give it to her. But I do see how you could cave for the kids. You paid for that house and are the only one who can afford to continue paying for it, you should be the one living in it WITH your kids. Send her out to find an appt.

[Oil Can]

sell the house, keep in the district.

[It's_GO_Time]

Rent the house to her at a cheap rate. You get the equity, she gets cheap rent and the kids can stay in the neighborhood.

I know mortgage will be tough . . . but your cost of living should decrease dramatically (no more saphora and victoria secret credit cards to pay each month ). Get a very affordable apartment and treat the house like an investment you contribute to each month . . . real estate in Oregon (especially Washington County) is a pretty good bet.

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by Kiss_My_Darius

Rent the house to her at a cheap rate. You get the equity, she gets cheap rent and the kids can stay in the neighborhood.

I know mortgage will be tough . . . but your cost of living should decrease dramatically (no more saphora and victoria secret credit cards to pay each month ). Get a very affordable apartment and treat the house like an investment you contribute to each month . . . real estate in Oregon (especially Washington County) is a pretty good bet.

EXCELLENT suggestion, KMD! That might actually be a winner. So... she would sell her interest in the house to me, then pay me rent to live there. I would still be paying child support and alimony, but her rent payment would help offset the mortgage payment. Meanwhile, the rest of the assets get divided equitibly as well. Right?

One question though: How do I buy her out of her interest in the house to begin with?

PBF

[It's_GO_Time]

Originally Posted by ProudBFan

EXCELLENT suggestion, KMD! That might actually be a winner. So... she would sell her interest in the house to me, then pay me rent to live there. I would still be paying child support and alimony, but her rent payment would help offset the mortgage payment. Meanwhile, the rest of the assets get divided equitibly as well. Right?

One question though: How do I buy her out of her interest in the house to begin with?

PBF

I don't know how logistically it would all go down. I'm guessing, with as long as you have been married and that the house is a post-marital asset, that you are each entitled to 50% of the equity. Just like she is probably entitled to 50% of your 401K ( ). So, probably, you compensate her for 50% of the equity and the house is yours (got to refinance to take her name off the mortgage and spell out the conditions of rental in the divorce decree . . . like how long at what rate ect)

Obviously talk to your lawyer . . . his/her concerns may be that it is a bad idea to be renting to your former wife (could get messy) and your wife might not like the control you have over her. I'm guessing it would have to be very amicable between the two of you to make it work (imagine if she got mad at you and decided to take it out on the house)

Lawyers are very creative and I suspect this is something most family lawyers have had to deal with . . . he/she should have several suggestions. I (and I'm guessing the board) would love to know the resolution with the house, if one is reach. As I think more about it, I would want to keep it a joint investment (so she treats the home like it is hers) and have her pay for the use of it . . . if she needs money, buy some of the equity in the house and she can use that for payments?????

Edit: to answer your question about how to buy her out, I'm sure that can all be hashed out during the property distribution stage (no need to sell the house or 401K, but their values will come into play) . . . which no doubt you will have an attorney assisting you during that stage.

[crandc]

PBF, this sounds like a lawyer question. A lot depends on how much is still owed.

[mook]

as a guy who has been a landlord before and had to deal with drug addicts, a suicide, alcohol abuse and a number of other nasties from tenants (I was pretty lousy at picking tenants), I'd hate the idea of renting to an ex even more.

do you really want to get a phone call at 3 am because she "says" there's a dripping pipe? you are just opening yourself up to all kinds of head games with her as a tenant.

and what happens if she decides NOT to pay rent after a few months? you evict her? I can just imagine her telling your kids, "Daddy is evicting us from our own house. But I won't let him." even aside from that sort of misery, it can take up to six months to actually execute an eviction if a tenant wants to be a real *******. do you want to even risk having to add that misery to your life?

landlords may collect the dough, but it'd surprise you how often the tenant has all the real power.

nope, you are far better off not having a business relationship with this woman.

if it were me, I'd definitely sell the house. divvy up the assets. maybe let her keep more of the equity in the house in exchange for leaving the 401k alone for you. you don't want to have to pay all the tax penalties for raiding your 401k if at all possible.

try to stay in the same school district, but if you can't it's not the end of the world, is it? kids get moved all the time due to the harsh realities of grownup messes. being forced to make new friends in a new school can sometimes even be good for you.

where she wants to live is her problem. she's an adult, and she's the one who's made this mess. she's getting a big ol' pile of money out of this. let her figure it out. that's what a lot of that money is for.

your job is to manage your own living situation so that you have a place for the kids to stay at when they are with you.

[MARIS61]

Sell the house, she can buy another, more modest one in the neighborhood with her winnings from the divorce lotto. Last thing you want your kids to view you as is the evil landlord. She will use that against you forever. Good luck ever collecting rent. "Sorry kids, you can't play baseball 'cause your Father takes all my money for rent."

And you can buy yourself a nice house so the kids have a stable environment when they are with you, instead of you being the loser with an apt. I have a feeling they will end up with you solely sometime down the line. Your wife is involved in something that is going to bring her down hard in the end. I can feel it.

[Ed O]

I vote sell the house. Clean break financially (or cleaner, at least). Jarring for the kids, but shouldn't be traumatic.

Tough situation, though...

Ed O.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by MARIS61

The crap Coward used to say on air regarding his wife makes his impending divorce no surprise.

it doesn't surprise me that Cowherd is getting a divorce. Besides the fact the guy is a big turdburgler, his mom had several divorces, and the guy tries to act like he is "one of us", when he's a guy off in his own little world.