[yakbladder]

Originally Posted by ProudBFan

Okay, so today I got my half-yearly bonus (Jan-June). $1200. Of course, my soon-to-be-ex began asking about it a couple weeks ago (nothing slips by her when it comes to money). I am down to my last $600, need to pay for my parenting classes (mandated by Washington County), need new tires for the truck, and need to rebuild my reserves. But I also feel the need to give her some portion of the bonus in order to "keep the peace" (no more than $400, I think). Everyone I have talked to about it is of the opinion that I shouldn't. Very conflicted.

PBF

She's getting a monthly stipend from you already.

At what point does she have to learn to live on a budget and perhaps sacrifice some of herself (as you do) for the kids?

Don't make me come over to your work and hit you upside the head, PBF. I know people who know people where you work!

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by yakbladder

She's getting a monthly stipend from you already.

At what point does she have to learn to live on a budget and perhaps sacrifice some of herself (as you do) for the kids?

Don't make me come over to your work and hit you upside the head, PBF. I know people who know people where you work!

You know, I have refrained from doing something like this up to this point, but what the heck:

Originally Posted by Her

I think the idea of giving me less than half is completely outragous considering how accomodating I have been to you and your work schedule. It seems like our now relationship is just like our marriage
relationship was. Whatever works best for you and your job is your moddo.

...and then...

Originally Posted by Me

I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s not the way it is. Several points I would like to make:

· When you decided you didn’t want me to be your husband anymore, you threw out the good with the bad. Apparently my money was one of the very few “good” things. You can’t have it both ways.
· I am under no obligation whatsoever right now to give you anything other than what it takes to provide for the kids and keep the bills paid. I provide for the kids, too. If you haven’t been putting the money (both taken and given) to wise use, it’s not my problem.
· When you kicked me to the curb, you left me penniless. No discussion. No attempt to be equitable. You didn’t even tell me you were doing it. You took all you could and squirreled it away where I couldn’t touch it. As a result, I had to borrow a TON of money (much of which I will have to pay back eventually) just to be able to put a safe roof over my head & the kids when they are with me. In light of that, what makes you think I owe you anything?
· I am already giving you more than I can afford to each paycheck, and as a result I am down to my last $600.
· It’s time for you to wake up to a harsh reality: I am not your money machine anymore. If what I can afford to give you isn’t enough, then you (since you are your own woman now) need to either get a job (you do have a skill) or borrow like you made me do.

And that’s pretty much all I have to say about it.

PBF

[yakbladder]

Originally Posted by ProudBFan

You know, I have refrained from doing something like this up to this point, but what the heck:

...and then...

PBF

Good for you PBF...you're showing some real gumption and reason now. Of course, I am pessimistic about it's effect on her, unfortunately.

You've also saved me an exhausting drive over which would only be followed by security guards escorting me out...

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by yakbladder

You've also saved me an exhausting drive over which would only be followed by security guards escorting me out...

Hardly. I'd take care of you before they had the chance. Remember, according to Spud, I'm "studly" now.

PBF

[crandc]

PBF, while I agree with you and I know it's hard to resist responding to crap, I would still (advice is like belly buttons, right?) suggest that communication be through the lawyer. You don't want anything you say to be used against you in proceedings. Also, official communications would underline to "her who will not be named since I don't know her name anyway" that you no longer have a relationship. You are not spouses, lovers or friends. Any communication should be business and not personal, as they said in The Godfather.

You don't have to take my suggestion, of course. Just a thought.

[MARIS61]

Excellent advice, crandc.

I'm sure she has a file of your emails that she gives to her lawyer.

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by MARIS61

Excellent advice, crandc.

I'm sure she has a file of your emails that she gives to her lawyer.

So do I. If it comes to that, I think I win.

PBF

[B_&_B]

Dont give her a dime! Make that gold digger get a job and provide for herself. You are obligated to take care of the kids, NOT her! You have already been more generous towards her than MANY men would be in your situation. Her taking advantage of you has got to stop.

Yakbladder, if you need some help smacking some sense into PBF, let me know!

[ProudBFan]

Originally Posted by B_&_B

Dont give her a dime! Make that gold digger get a job and provide for herself. You are obligated to take care of the kids, NOT her! You have already been more generous towards her than MANY men would be in your situation. Her taking advantage of you has got to stop.

Yakbladder, if you need some help smacking some sense into PBF, let me know!

I'm thinking it would take more than the two of you. I am a white-belt in karate, kung-fu (all styles), taekwondo, judo, aikido, Brazillian jiujitsu, and... um... oh yeah... ninjitsu.



PBF

[Rob Allen]

Another voice joining the chorus here - give her NOTHING except what the court requires, and do not communicate with her directly if you can avoid it. Do not reply to her emails, do not answer the phone when she calls. When you need to communicate with her, call her lawyer. She's probably paying him by the hour; she'll have to pay him for the time you spend with him.

[crandc]

If I may revise my suggestion, PBF. If you ask your lawyer to reply to her who must not be named, you'll get a bill for services. So my revised suggestion is that you reply to emails and letters from her who must not be named with "Please contact my lawyer about this matter. His/her address/email is ....". I'm willing to bet the lawyer will not be contacted. I think she wants to vent and lawyers are not good for that. If she does, you've got ammo (no I don't mean Adam Morrison).

[It's_GO_Time]

Originally Posted by crandc

PBF, while I agree with you and I know it's hard to resist responding to crap, I would still (advice is like belly buttons, right?) suggest that communication be through the lawyer. You don't want anything you say to be used against you in proceedings. Also, official communications would underline to "her who will not be named since I don't know her name anyway" that you no longer have a relationship. You are not spouses, lovers or friends. Any communication should be business and not personal, as they said in The Godfather.

You don't have to take my suggestion, of course. Just a thought.

Never mind

[sa1177]

A quick note....document every cent that you give to her during this period and make her sign for it before turning it over. This will be helpful later when a judge is dividing your assets and she is trying to suck more $$ out of you. She also may try to make claims on $$$ that you have already given her..if documented she will be unale to do this sucessfully. When my uncle was going through his divorce he kindly split his X-mas bonus with his exwife but never documented that he had done so....8 months later she demanded half of that very same bonus in court and got it.

If it's not documented then it never happened as far as a court is concerned.