[B_&_B]

The updated/edited version is better. But I still think the read is choppy. I dont like the long pauses, it doesnt come across as natural. I'm sure your target audience wont be as critical. Best of luck, I hope this brings you a nice return on your investment!

[¹²³]

Sex sells.

[mook]

thanks for all the great input I got here. it does still have some gaps in it, but I don't really mind it anymore.

[blazermaniaisback]

maybe it needs some sound effects? No the more I watch it I'm just not sure.

[blazermaniaisback]

would the voice over person charge you more for a few more lines? I'm guessing so but maybe you can fill in a few of those spots?