The updated/edited version is better. But I still think the read is choppy. I dont like the long pauses, it doesnt come across as natural. I'm sure your target audience wont be as critical.

Best of luck, I hope this brings you a nice return on your investment!

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"People say we are coming, but I almost think it's to the point where we are here," he said. "I think it's no longer coming. We are here now."... Brandon Roy.