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Reep · 06-29-2006, 09:59 AM

If you haven't read this before, you really should. The guy is really funny.

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Fast-forward nine years to yesterday, when the Celts moved the No. 7 pick for Sebastian Telfair and his 350-person entourage, leading to my father screaming on the phone, "He's a 5-foot-11 point guard! You know what he's going to be with more playing time? A 5-foot-11 point guard!!!! I saw him in that documentary, by the way: Not only would I not want him on my team, I wouldn't want him in my house!"

Needless to say, I don't think dad liked the trade. I'm on the fence. (Oh, who am I kidding, I hated the trade, I wanted Randy Foye.) But let's not let this negativity affect Draft Diary X. Without further ado ...

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7:42 -- Already, our first trade! Andy Katz (looking like Tony Bennett) reports that Chicago will pick LaMarcus Aldridge second, then trade his rights to Portland for the No. 4 pick, Victor Khryapa and future considerations. Meanwhile, Aldridge makes an incredulous Stern put on a Texas Longhorns hat for 2.3 seconds during their photo op, inadvertently messing up the commish's hair. That's it, Aldridge isn't getting one call from Bennett Salvatore or Dick Bavetta for the next 10 years.

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8:13 -- Genius idea by ESPN to stick a microphone on Rudy Gay when he's about to slide out of the top seven. Just a lot of mumbling and head shaking so far. That's followed by a debate about Gay's potential, with Greg Anthony arguing that Gay will be better than people think and Stephen A. countering with, "I haven't seen him play that much." Take THAT, Greg Anthony. Mess with the bull, you get the horns!

PapaG · 06-29-2006, 10:20 AM

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7:44 -- Random note: I really enjoy the name "LaMarcus." It's like his mom was sitting there thinking, "I like the name Marcus, but it could use just a little more oomph." If the Sports Gal and I ever have a boy, I'm pushing for LaBill Simmons. That name can't miss.

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And what about Portland's wheeling and dealing? They're like a drunk college kid randomly putting together an NBA Live team at 4 a.m. What a bizarre night.

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10:20 -- The Mavs take Maurice Ager at No. 28. He puts his head in his hands and starts sobbing hysterically as his entourage congratulates him. It's about time we had some emotion tonight, dammit. Ager walks up to the stage in a triple-breasted, oversized beige suit, goes to shake hands with Stern and immediately gets whistled for a foul on Dwyane Wade.

Great article.

SodaPopinski · 06-29-2006, 10:37 AM

This is always the highlight of the day after the draft. Bill Simmons is a genius.

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9:39 -- Who's going to be the first one to make the obligatory "Is it possible that Isiah thought he was taking Rolando Blackman?" joke. Screw it, I'll do it.

I actually made that joke last night. Honest.

-Pop

yakbladder · 06-29-2006, 10:41 AM

I was reading that description of PDX = drunk college kid this morning and nearly blew water all over the monitor. Classic.

But really, is there anyone who thinks that DOESN'T describe Paul Allen?

I betcha Paul did some late night coding using Lisp on a hacked up 8086 that secretly picked all of the players and suggested all of the trades.

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