Zach

Meat is the manliest thing a man can eat other than another human being. That is why I respect those people in South America. They are bad ***. Why risk starvation when you can cut up that one fat ****er in the tribe who doesn't pull his weight. That is awesome. And that leads me to what I hate: Vegans.

Vegans are ****ing stupid. They go against the laws of man. Man is here to stop cows, pigs, chickens, ducks, fish, deer, moose, bison, and hippies from overpopulating he world by eating them and giving the bones to our dogs. I remember a day when vegetarians were acceptable and that wasn't good enough. They had to say "Wait, why don't we stop eating anything that has to do with animals." Because who needs cheese? Let me tell you: real men need cheese. What goes better with a burger than a nice slab of good ol' Wisconsin cheddar cheese? Nothing! Beer doesn't count because you don't put it on the burger, albeit not a bad idea, but no, you don't do that.

How one can live without meat is amazingly stupid. Meat is man fuel, damnit!(Obviously this article is excluding women.) But to go one further and not drink milk is a qualm that perplexes the **** out of yours truly. The last thing I want to hear is how someone has osteoporosis because they chose an alternative dietary lifestyle. If my boy ever refuses meat with a meal I might have to call social services on myself.

If you see a vegan I want you to do the following:
1.) Stop and get your breath. I realize seeing a vegan can drive a man's blood pressure through the roof.
2.) Find a sharp object. You might be compelled to gouge out your eyes but don't.
3.) Walk up to said vegan and start a nice conversation about legalizing marijuana, hemp, or Greenpeace.(Vegans are into this ****)
4.) The second he starts talking about the time he followed Slightly Stoopid on tour, you stab that ****er in the heart.
5.) Remove the sharp object and reinsert into said vegans neck.
6.) Laugh
7.) Take a picture
8.) Walk away
9.) Celebrate by going to the nearest Steakhouse and ordering a 24 ounce steak with a baked potato and a nice cold one.

If you follow these 9 steps the world will be a better place.