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Aquadextrious:
The art of turning the bathtub tap on with your toes.

Pain:
A cat licking your sunburn.

Budget:
A method for going broke methodically.

Willpower:
The ability to eat only one salted peanut.

Profanity:
The linguistic crutch of inarticulate idiots.

Boat:
A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Bachelor:
One who treats all women as sequels.

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

Flashlight:
A case for holding dead batteries.

Taxpayer:
Someone who doesn't have to take a public service exam to work for the government.

Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.

Stress:
The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately needs it.

Jury:
Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer

Chickens:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they're dead.

Hospitality:
Making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Adult:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
 
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