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Top Of The Pops
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Discussion Starter #1
Circa 1997. For an ex-girlfriend.

Could Have Been

The relationship has run its course
I wish that weren't the case
Despite what I might want
It cannot be removed from its time and place.

I used to take this badly, I know
I'm now a different person, though
I may have put all I had into this
But you do not always reap all that you sow.

I cannot bring myself to dislike you
Far from it, I love you still
I cannot dislike who I see you with
His only crime is to love you like I always will.

You haunt my thoughts with "what ifs"
"Could've beens" haunt my dreams
What if we had been a bit more matched
We could have been so much, it seems.
 

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Moderator/Head Decepticon
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Good read.

Seems to have gotten lost in all the other nonsense in this forum. ;)
 

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Top Of The Pops
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Discussion Starter #3
'ppreciate it, buddy.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thanks Theo, R-Star. I'm glad you liked it...that's always gratifying to me to have other relate in any small fashion or just enjoy the reading of it.
 

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Nobody
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That is a good poem, Minstrel. I like your voice as a poet. Understated and reserved. I think it allows what you are saying to come through.

I like the rhyming too... it has a smooth, easy rhythm.

:greatjob:
 

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Have you considered forming an emo-core/pop-punk outfit? ;)
 

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Top Of The Pops
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Discussion Starter #9
Thanks, Nevus. To me, it's important to express fairly sophisticated feelings, but without destroying the flow. Hopefully, I achieve that, at least somewhat.

And no, Greg Ostertag!, I haven't. Maybe a pop-industrial/dream-punk band. And ride it to the top of the charts!
 

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pretty good minstrel. breaking up can suck. big time. but you said it better.

which reminded me of something i whipped up - there was a thread for the most depressing lyrics, and the obsurdity of many of them inspired me to write my own depressing lyrics, just to prove how easy it was, at least in comparison to some of the others. here's my attempt:

Empty shell

It’s me that walks alone
Forever with nothing but faded thoughts
Fading faster by the day
Why can’t I just hold on a little longer
Why can I no longer feel you inside me

My essence gone
My meaning unknown
I no longer feel
Empty shell

Thoughts of better days
Cut through me again and again
Not much left of me
Why am I here when I’m not with you
Why can’t you see what you’ve left behind

No chances left
Can’t start over again
Is this still a life
I don’t know why

Strangers pass by
Pass through the silence
But chaos reigns in my world
Swirling inside my head
How am I to hide it
This empty shell I am

Empty shells are nothing
Empty shells can’t feel
Empty shell.....
 

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Top Of The Pops
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Discussion Starter #11
Thanks kflo.

Also, you're right...song lyrics to convey a single, simple emotion like "sadness" or "happiness" are easy to write. Songs are at a bit of a disadvantage, lyrically, because they can rarely be as wordy as poems, needing to be sung and flow in a catchy manner. Nor can they be less wordy but more dense, as some poems are. Poems can be read slowly or have certain parts re-read. Songs keep going and you need to pick up everything quickly.

I find that most lyrics are pretty poor, if you really dissect them. It takes a real song-writing talent to write meaningful song lyrics.

I once took a stab at song lyrics for a friend's group. It was difficult, accustomed, as I was, to writing poetry. Difficult to write meaningful song lyrics, that is.
 
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